Notebook 1.1 Dies; The Corporation Lives On

Another Notebook was hunted down and brutally murdered in the second in a rash of incidents that have rocked the quiet Seattle neighborhood of Green Lake. Said a neighbor, "It was always so quiet. I never imagined this could happen to her." That was the general sentiment among the walkers and joggers who had come to know and love their bright yellow friend. Trisha Yearling, 24, said, "I used to feel safe leaving stacks of benjamins down here, but now, now, I'm just not sure." Inevitable comparisons to the ethnic strife in Iraq merely polarized the crowds that gathered at The Notebook's bench to hold a spontaneous daylight candlelight vigil.

An unnamed Senior President of Vice within the company said the organization was saddened but not shocked. "It's a real tragedy for the children. Just think of the children. And to think Spalding, as she was known internally, was a mere 10 pages from retirement to the Green Lake Library. It's a damned shame. Rest in Peace, pretty lady."

The Corporation behind the Notebook released a short statement on its website, stating simply, "Spalding was beloved and she died in the battle against disembodiment, and that's how she would have really wanted to go. They might have won the battle, but it is a Cinco-de-Mayo victory, for we shall win the war. One of her brothers will step to the fighting line like a Greek hoplite in a phalanx, weather proofing for a hoplon, pen for a pike. We cannot be defeated."

There are no plans for a memorial service but donations can be made out to cash and sent to The Brown Eyed Handsome Man Corporation World Headquarters.